This is part 2 of my comings and goings….Yes, I have written about this before but it is a constant in our life especially in the lives of parents….Birth, school, driving, college,  home again…. then off to the world!  Our hearts get pulled, twisted, tugged, cut and healed in this process.  When my sweet son Andrew went away to New York  to attend the Culinary Institute of America I thought I would just die, I missed him so much. But I lived and adjusted to life without Andrew under the roof. To be honest, as each of the boys left to head out into the world it created a tear in my heart. Even now when my little ones go to their dad’s for the weekend there are little spaces that feel empty and ache. As a parent it is tough to adjust to the comings and goings of these children we love so deeply. We make space, let go, welcome back and make room. We adjust, say goodbye and have re-entry…..it’s the rhythm of life as a parent.

Last October Andrew came home and we adjusted to 4 under this roof again. He brought all his “Stuff” and squeezed in, love and joy on top of one another. Re-entry. We adjusted to our returned tribe member easily. He is my Zen Child and easy to live with. And along with him came his new skill in the kitchen! Cooking up yummy treats for us, teaching us how to make sushi, brussel sprouts, even how to brew beer! To be honest I will not miss the smell of hops brewing or the grinding of the meat, stuffing of sausage casings and making of liverwurst! There are somethings that I just don’t want to know or smell when it comes to food. But I will miss him. What a joy and education to have him home again for a short time.

Tomorrow Andrew moves out with his brother and a dear friend John “Cougar”.

Goodbye again……

This morning I was caught by the anxious feeling of this going. I have been blessed to have him under my roof twice and it is time to go ….. but…. the going this time is a final chapter of sorts, it is very unlikely that he will be back “Living” under my roof. He, along with his older brothers, is very capable of living under his own roof now. I did my job and so did they.

So just like a great book that you finish, you will miss reading it and hate to see it end. The thing to remember is that the Author is not done writing the whole story….there will be more chapters to read, pages to turn….. comings and goings. I have been incredibly blessed to have had a supporting role in Andrew’s story, as well as the others. And one thing I know for sure is that there is always the next page….and what a page turner it has been…….NEXT!

Yesterday, my daily lent study by Henri Nouwen ( I love this man) was on Love and Relationships. It talked about the “First Love” and the “Second Love”. First love is from God, who loved us and knew us before we were born. The second love is from everyone else.

At times we expect from the second love what only the first love can give.  As soon as we demand a first love, unconditional, total love from another human being, who is limited in their ability to give and receive, we will be disappointed and let down. Oh what a struggle it can be when we expect a first love from someone who could only give a second love. I’ve done it, I know many others that have set themselves up for disappointment also. Friends with other friends, husbands and wives left feeling empty when their partner can’t fill their empty places with first love. Children looking to parents who themselves are flawed and broken……we all fall short in search of first love when we look to each other. It’s in the understanding of these two loves that we can have lasting grace filled relationships with one another. It’s knowing God is God and we are not.

In accepting and grasping His great love for us, having the courage to find first love where first love is found, in God and in God only. It’s only then that we can let go of the demand we put on others to love us in this way. We can be filled up and stand secure in His great love and not be so needy of others.

1 John 4:19 says “We love because he first loved us.”

May you know first love so that the second love is is sweeter, deeper and easier to give and receive.

Today we had an amazing guest speaker at our church. She started with singing about living waters then challenged us to move outside of our comfort zones and into different neighborhoods. To really be a neighbor, to love, extend grace and show others God’s love without boundaries or exception. Her song and message stayed with me all day long. The touching story with Mr. Rodgers song…”Won’t you be my neighbor?” Are we able to let go of the pride, fear and comfort and really be neighbors to one another? To be humble enough to let others in and share of our living water? To share the comfort we have received from knowing where the well is?

“There’s a river of Life flowing out of me…..makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. Opens prison doors, sets the captives free….there’s a river of Life flowing out of me….”

It flows and fills up, there is power in this living water….. to heal, open eyes and hearts, to set captives free. May you know this living water, fill up with it and let it flow out to touch your neighbors…..your world.

Thanks Brenda for stepping into our neighborhood and letting it flow! What a refreshing moment of Living Water is was!

http://www.Saltermcneil.com

Today while having a picnic in the park celebrating Presidents Day I asked Grace who her favorite president was. She replied” Abraham Lincoln.” So I asked “Why?” She came back with,” I hate WHY questions.” So you know what I had to ask her…

“WHY?” I giggled so hard and she just stared at me perplexed! I love my 7 year old girl! Don’t we all have days were we just want to say “BECAUSE!” and not have the WHY questions….. I know I do. Happy Presidents Day Grace! And here’s to Abe…..Just Because!

As my dear friend says , in her best Steel Magnolias accent……”There is nothing like a good bed party!” I agree! Let me explain what a Bed Party is. It is a unscheduled gathering of some of your favorite people, plopping down in comfortable clothes on a bed and having great conversation and lots of laughter.

Last night after a very long day I came home to a great Thai dinner with my big boys.  Then we watched a movie of my choice….in one word, PAINFUL ….Bad movie,  Bad choice. After I got down off the cross the boys nailed me to, ( I hit the hammer a few times too for wasting an hour and a half of our lives UGH!) we all piled in my bed one by one. Now these are big boys and of course Sunshine the Dog could not be left out! So the 4 of us and Sunny squashed in together.

Here’s the thing about a bed party….there is this wonderful sense of togetherness, of belonging. You feel loved, safe and accepted. What is said there stays there. We giggled, acted silly, shared and caught up with one another, we exhaled from the very busy day. Each party can look different. I have had bed parties with my friends, my kids, my sister and mom, cousins….there is not a particular guest list ever. You are invited by the need to plop and be.  It is just a unexpected moment when people just plop down and the party begins. And it is in this moment where all seems right in the world and deep joy and satisfaction is felt.

There is wonder and surprise found in the unexpected and unscheduled moments of our days….. It is in the ordinary that we are blessed with extraordinary. Find yours today!

The other night my sweet 9 year old boy was having a hard time getting to sleep so he snuggled in next to me as I was watching The Bachelor on TV…..I know, I know….. after a few minutes he says to me, “What are you watching?” So I sheepishly explain and he responds…..”Don’t they know you don’t find love on a Game Show?”  I smiled and was so happy that he understood that true love was not found on a Game Show!

Filled my tank…..

This morning as I was making breakfast for the kids, packing lunch, feeding the dog, getting the kids ready to walk out the door for school and myself to go to work….I looked up and saw my 21 year old sharpening his knives (don’t worry he’s a chef and does this every morning) I thought to myself…I have been doing this morning routine for 23 years. I wondered if Andrew now appreciated all that went into a Moms morning routine, so I asked. His response was, “I always appreciated it.”

Filled my tank…..

After school I met the kids at the corner to walk home from school with them, then fixed Grace, Jackson and a friend popcorn and lemonade for an after school snack. Grace leaned over and said something to her friend. Giggles followed so I asked, “What did you say?” Grace said, “Isn’t my Mom the Bomb.” Her Friend asked, “What’s the Bomb?” Grace responded……”The Best.”

Filled my tank…..

We all wake up each day and do our best. We give, and love, referee battles between sisters and brothers, we drive, and help, and encourage, fix and feed and lift up those we care about and at times our tanks get really low. To be honest we are coasting on FUMES! But it’s the little fill ups along the way that keep us going. For me it’s all the things I mentioned above along with…. time alone, time with God, time with friends and family, sun on my face. So, when I start to feel overwhelmed and tired from packing 10,358 lunches over the years (with many more in my future) I just keep my eyes open for the next filling station in the day!

What filled your tank today? Filler UP!

6 Week Study

Starting Wednesdays  Feb. 24th @ 6:30 pm Men and Women

Starting  Mondays  March 1st @ 9:30 am Women only

Cost:$60
First United Methodist Church Winter Park Family Life Center

Life is messy and difficult at times and we have emotions that arise out of these moments. Some recent, others created in the past and we just can’t seem to let go of them. Feelings of pain, anger, fear, loneliness, anxiety, doubt, regret, unforgiveness or maybe just feeling unloved or unworthy. How we handle the brokenness determines what our character is made of and the kind of life we will lead. Will we stay stuck in negative emotions or walk through the brokenness to a place of true healing and forgiveness. God meets us right where we are and his grace and love will heal the brokenness. Now that is sweet!

I love the idea of rhythm…..it is part of our life and we don’t give it too much thought. Rhythm is one of the most basic laws of life.

Night follows day…winter follows summer, then spring…we wake and we sleep.

Sometimes we can forget this law when we are deep in the challenges of life, we assume that the current phase of our life will last forever. It won’t….. one thing that is certain is change happens, it is part of the human experience and is inevitable. Change is a principle of life and rhythm is a big part of it. When we are in difficult times we need to remember that it will change, and when we are riding high, change will also come. The important thing to embrace is that things are usually not as good or as bad as they seem at the moment. “You know, things never stay the same. Change is going to happen, and you have to learn to respond to it and use it to your benefit.” Dr. Myles Munroe

This is someting I have had to learn over time, and the only way I could ride the rhythm of life was to get it settled in my heart and mind to love and trust God no matter what the circumstance of life presented. So, just as a difficult day blew in I worked hard to stayed settled until it blew out. He is faithful to calm his child when the storms blow and the wind howls. But thankfully the rhythm of life is right there around the corner to provide a sunny cool day of comfort. A time to exhale and restore. You just have to stay aware of the rhythm of your life……know it is for a season… then embrace it, raise your hands in the air and enjoy the ride! Wheeee~

I find that in a life that is shared with others, loved ones, especially family, no matter how hard we try to make and keep everyone happy, someone draws the Short Stick. With each situation it is different.

Some days it’s the kids or a specific child who been given the Short Stick. Other times it can be a spouse, friend or family member. Maybe it’s work. It can even be the house after a long week of running. But more often it is you…..the woman, the mom, the wife, because we are usually more comfortable being the owner of the Short Stick.

The key to this is that wonderful word balance, and understanding without guilt, that life is a matter of choices presented to us moment by moment in this fast life we live. It is in the moments that we need the wisdom to decide, acknowledge and accept who has to be holder of the stick, with the understanding that he or she will not have to hold the stick forever but just for this moment. It should be temporary; the game should be played so that everyone gets a turn.

Life isn’t fair but in this game the short stick needs to change hands to keep balance. Husbands and wives should share stick holding, families need to toss it around, and even friends sometimes must hold the stick for another they love deeply.

A big foul in this game is when we as women always try to be the keeper of the stick, a stick hog of sorts. We do this because we hate to cause disruption, difficulty, unpleasantness or pain in those around us. And maybe if we have held it long enough it then becomes a power play to keep control of the game. This is a fantasy that we sadly believe can be reality.
The sad effect is that when we hold it too long we become tired, worn out teammates and are no good to the team as a whole or more importantly to ourselves. We find ourselves resentful, angry and lonely because we have been playing this game alone instead of sharing life’s curveballs. The life has been sucked out. You are benched!

As mothers, wives, lovers, friends and most of all women, we need to SHARE the stick, without guilt or shame. Make choices in that moment that are good for you when you need to, because you are no good to anyone if you are not taking care of yourself. Life is a series of give and takes, wins and loses, short sticks and long sticks. We just need to remember that nobody should have to hold the stick too long, even us. There is no glory in being a worn out player trying to win alone. This game is meant to be played as a team and is better celebrating the win with those we love.